


we met over a pigeon dating game

by proletaricat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Boys Love (Hatoful Kareshi), Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Texting, hatoful boyfriend - Freeform, otome games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proletaricat/pseuds/proletaricat
Summary: Kenma's got a new game and he takes it very seriously. He just wants to play the game in peace, but he finds himself on a forum and there is somebody wrong on the internet and he can't just let that go. Hayate is NOT the best bird in the game, how could anyone think that? And who the hell is 'NINTendou SatorWii'?Somehow it ends up in Tendou visiting Tokyo, a growing friendship, and eventually something more.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Tendou Satori
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	we met over a pigeon dating game

**Author's Note:**

> um. i started this months and months ago off a joke prompt and came back to it, with reinvigorated affection for both tendou and kenma, and i dunno man, it just happened. like... enjoy. this chapter & the next will include a lot of texting but it's not actually a chat fic

"NEW! From PigeoNation Inc.! Hatoful Boyfriend 2 – The best parts of the original Hatoful Boyfriend with added romance options, extended dialogue, and multiple new storylines including BL options!"

Kenma raised an eyebrow at the e-mail he’d received from Steam. New Hatoful Boyfriend? He wondered what he had done wrong in his life that game companies were sending him adverts for otome games. _Bird_ otome games. He sighed and shrugged, clicking the link to the game’s store page. $30 for a bird dating game. He debated with himself internally. He _had_ liked the first one…

He glanced behind him, making sure his friend Kuroo wasn’t paying attention before adding the game to his cart and checking out.

“Ohoho? What’s this? Buying another BL game?”

Goddamnit.

“Kuro,” Kenma said slowly. “Weren’t you doing homework?” he tried to spin around on his computer chair to face his friend but found it impossible, as Kuroo was leaning his weight on the chair.

“I _was_ doing homework. But _now_ I’m watching my dearest best friend in the entire world purchase a _bird dating game_. It’s not even the _first_ bird dating game he’s purchased. It’s not even the first _weird_ dating game he’s purchased. I see those played hours on _Panzermadels_ , Kenma, you can’t fool me. And what happened to the dinosaur dating sim?”

“Kuroo,” Kenma groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I don’t tease you about your dumb science stuff, you don’t tease me about my dumb game stuff.”

“Excuse _you_ , Kenma, but science is the future of this great nation. Where are dating sims gonna get us? We’re already an aging society, we don’t need any more distractions from pairing up and producing offspring.”

“Number one: gross. Number two: we’re in high school, we’re not supposed to be _pairing up_ and _producing offspring_. Number three: gross.”

“You said gross twice.”

“I’ll say it a third time. Leave me alone to play my dumb bird dating sim, okay?”

Kuroo leaned forward on the chair, eyes still on the store page for Hatoful Boyfriend 2. “Oooh, a BL mode? Very interesting. I’m sure your Tinder for birds game is very fun, but it’s time to get back to work.”

The young gamer sighed, letting his head fall back against the headrest of his chair (and Kuroo’s fingers, because that’s where he had his hand). “It’s not Tinder for birds,” he explained, shaking his head. “There isn’t even any sort of swiping mechanic in the game.”

“Uh huh. Sure. Kenma’s playing Bird Tinder,” the older male said with a smirk, spinning Kenma’s chair around to face him. “But he’s not playing it until _after_ his homework is complete, all right?”

Kenma _hated_ Kuroo’s Mom-Moments™. He didn’t _want_ to do his homework. He wanted to play Hatoful Boyfriend 2 and figure out what the new interface looked like. Unfortunately for him, Kuroo’s Mom-Moments™ always won out. Kenma would have to do his homework in order to play his game.

x

Eventually, as with any game, Kenma found himself on a forum with other Hatoful Boyfriend users. He found himself irritated at a specific user’s intense affection for one of the birds. The bird was a _bad_ character and he didn’t understand why anyone would want to go on his route. He was so… full of himself. So of course, homework complete (as per Kuroo’s instructions) and other games found less interesting, Kenma was perusing the fan forums and figured he’d get himself into an online argument.

**applepi** : Hayate is not a good bird. I don’t know how you could think that? He’s arrogant and rude. Why would you want a route with him in a romance game?

He’d gotten a few responses agreeing with him, until the creator of the “fan thread” that Kenma replied to finally responded.

NINTendou SatorWii: he’s just misunderstood lol also wow takin the whole idea of romance a little far in a bird otome aren’t you?

**applepi** : What is there to misunderstand? And the game is for romance, of course I care about staying true to the theme. Rude, arrogant, loud, interrupts people, gets in your personal space without you asking, just barges in whenever. It’s not polite.

NINTendou SatorWii: #umadbro? u know sb like this irl or sth?

**applepi** : maybe.

NINTendou SatorWii: don’t take ur aggression out on the poor birb, lmao

**applepi** : Why does everyone say birb instead of bird?

NINTendou SatorWii: bc it’s cute duh. hayate is my babe, my bro, my sweet sweet birdy bride, my birb

**applepi** : K.

NINTendou SatorWii: alright my dude (or chick? idk, lol chick, get it?) lemme break it down for u – hayate is hot af (for a pigeon), his swagger makes me swoon, he’s swole af, look at those bara arms, and overall superior to all other pigeons

**applepi** : In the long run those outward characteristics don’t matter – and I’m not sure how you can call a bird’s wings ‘bara arms’.

NINTendou SatorWii: wow no how do u not get it. ok so imagine this. ur sad and alone. ur the only smol lil human in ur school. here comes this birb w/ swagger, treats u like his babe, so what if he’s a little arrogant, with that nice long beak and sexy bedroom eyes who treats u like his king, all the others too poor to treat you _right_? hayate got it goin on. embrace the swagger. embrace his wallet. embrace him.

**applepi** : I want a pure romance, not to be some rich pigeon’s sugar baby.

NINTendou SatorWii: bro ur missing out. what’s the point of having a pretty face if u cant get hot birds to buy shit for u

**applepi** : If you think a fake bara sugar daddy pigeon buying you sweets _one time_ in a pigeon dating sim counts as hot birds ‘buying shit’ for you, you need help.

NINTendou SatorWii: that’s what my vball captain tells me but lol he can suck it

**applepi** : Volleyball? No wonder, you were probably hit in the head with the ball hard enough to make you completely lose the ability to reason. I have enough of those people on my team, what luck that I find one online too?

NINTendou SatorWii: ya bby, they call me the guess monster ;) ;) _guess_ why?

**applepi** : No thanks. What team do you play for?

NINTendou SatorWii: o so u can stalk me? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**applepi** : Why would I ever want to do that?

NINTendou SatorWii: lucky for u I have dat hayate swagger and idgaf if ur a cute lil stalker bc I can totes take you on

**applepi** : Never mind.

NINTendou SatorWii: no no, u asked. it’s shiratorizawa babe ;) best team in miyagi

**applepi** : lol I’m pretty sure Karasuno just kicked your ass though?

NINTendou SatorWii: pls tell me ur that angry looking setter lmao omg that’d be amazing

**applepi** : I play for Nekoma

NINTendou SatorWii: ooh, meow, a kitty cat!

**applepi** : Observation skills are high but execution on jokes falls short. I think I’m actually disappointed?

NINTendou SatorWii: u don’t sound so sure of that ;) ;) ;)

**applepi** : I am.

NINTendou SatorWii: ok so like I just looked u guys up everyone on ur team is p cute pls tell me ur that cutie with the stupid hair

**applepi** : I’m not the captain

NINTendou SatorWii: no lmao the setter

**applepi** : Uh

NINTendou SatorWii: holy fuck u are omg this is amazing pls date me

**applepi** : No. Bye.

NINTendou SatorWii: don’t leave me babe this is love at first sight

**applepi** : I will block you.

NINTendou SatorWii: that bored look on ur face, that horrible dye job, is that a PSP in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me? ;)

**applepi** : Again with the poor joke execution. I see why you like Hayate – you seem to have similar personalities.

NINTendou SatorWii: Ya we’re like the same chara. anyway so like when do u practice? days, times, locations? you gotta feel the same chemistry my sweet setter

**applepi** : Stay away

NINTendou SatorWii: don’t worry lil kittycat ill find out. ;)

x

Kenma made sure to tell Kuroo that if somebody from Shiratorizawa just happened to stop by, they should be sent away. He ignored Kuroo’s questioning. It didn’t seem important to explain _why_ to Kuroo, so it really shouldn’t have been such a shock when Kuroo _didn’t_ send them away.

“Hey babe,” he heard, far too close for Kenma to be comfortable. He froze, turning slowly to stare at the intruder. Red hair. Annoying smirk. Tall. Confident.

“No,” the setter stated, firmly, before turning away and swiftly walking toward Kuroo.

“Aw come on, I came all this way from Miyagi and you won’t even let me say hello?” the male called after him. Kenma walked faster. The Nekoma team watched curiously, Kuroo attempting to keep his amusement at bay.

“Who are you?” a tall, silver-haired player asked.

“Who are _you_?” Tendou responded.

“My name is Lev and I am the future ace!”

“I’m Tendou. I’m from Shiratorizawa. I’m just here to chill with my boyfriend but we’re having a fight right now so he’s not happy to see me.”

“Kenma has a boyfriend?” Lev asked, confused. He blinked at Tendou. “His boyfriend isn’t Kuroo?”

The tall ‘future ace’ had a _loud_ voice, which was great for Tendou because it got Kenma’s attention. The setter whirled around, glaring.

“I am not dating anyone!” he shouted, the vehemence uncharacteristic for Kenma.

Tendou smirked, pleased by the blush high on Kenma’s cheeks. “Not yet, my prince,” he called back, winking. “But soon I will woo you.”

Kenma shot Tendou a frustrated look, cheeks reddening further with embarrassment. Yaku finally stepped in, seeing Kuroo wasn’t going to, and Tendou found himself kicked off Nekoma grounds – but he had managed (with the help of Kuroo) to get Kenma’s phone and he added himself to the setter’s contacts. He made sure to put his name as NINTendou SatorWii because that pun took him 2 days to think up and he wasn’t about to abandon it just because they were moving to a new messaging medium. He texted himself from Kenma’s phone so that he had his number, and then on his way back to the train station (he had traveled _all the way from Miyagi_ for this) he set up a group text with his teammates so he could tell them the good news.

**NINTendou SatorWii** : guys lady luck is with me today bc i got the number of a cutie from tokyo

UshiWOWka: What is this?

UshiWOWka: How can I change my name?

KawaNiceKill: I’m a middle blocker what the hell

**NINTendou SatorWii** : doesn’t mean u can’t get nice kills

Angry Bangs: what the fuck

Angry Bangs: what’s wrong with my hair??

UshiWOWka: I think you’re very fashionable.

Angry Bangs: thanks??

Bowl Cut: why do i get bowl cut

**NINTendou SatorWii** : anyway i brought u here together to tell u about the fair maiden whose # i got

Angry Bangs: yeah ok

**NINTendou SatorWii** : [Picture Message]

KawaNiceKill: doesn’t look like a maiden to me

UshiWOWka: That is the setter from Nekoma.

**NINTendou SatorWii** : glad to know u know how everybody in vball looks like

**NINTendou SatorWii** : setters are so pretty tho like how

Angry Bangs: …

**NINTendou SatorWii** : not u im talkin about the 3rd yr u got benched bc of ur undying love for ushiwowka here

_Angry Bangs has left the chat._

_Shirabu Kenjiro has been added to the chat._

_Shirabu Kenjiro’s nickname has been set to number 1 ushiwowka fan_

_number 1 ushiwowka fan’s nickname has been set to Shirabu_

**NINTendou SatorWii** : ill let u keep it for now until i think of a better pun but dont think ull get away w this

Shirabu: I don’t have a crush

KawaNiceKill: lol nobody said anything about a crush

Semisemi: I didn’t get benched because of shirabu’s crush

Shirabu: I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH

UshiWOWka: Tendou why do you have Kozume Kenma’s phone number?

KawaNiceKill: Ushiwowka for the save

**NINTendou SatorWii** : ok so here i am playin my pigeon dating sim

Shirabu: …

**NINTendou SatorWii** : wait till im finished before u comment plz angry bangs

**NINTendou SatorWii** : & im on the forum rite ok and i make this post about my best boy hayate

**NINTendou SatorWii** : & this kid w a dumb username like pastrymath or sth idk

Shirabu: Pastrymath?

**NINTendou SatarWii** : was funnier in my head ok

Shirabu: Most things are

Shirabu: Funnier in your head I mean

Shirabu: Because your jokes sure as fuck aren’t funny when they’re said out loud

**NINTendou SatorWii** : Ok ouch mr angry bangs

**NINTendou SatorWii** : anyway pastrymath aka my new bf kenma comments that im wrong

**NINTendou SatorWii** : ME of all ppl

**NINTendou SatorWii** : so we get to talkin abt vball & he tells me he plays for nekoma so ofc i ask when his practice is but he responds with “no” lmao what a tsundere, anyway his buddy kuroo tells me (thx for the phone # btw ushiwowka) & lets me in when i show up

Bowl Cut: Isn’t Nekoma in Tokyo?

**NINTendou SatorWii** : that’s how strong my love & adoration is

KawaNiceKill: desperate

**NINTendou SatorWii** : desperately in love u mean

**NINTendou SatorWii** : anyway i come say hi to my babe & he runs away cuz hes a shy tsundere boi but kuroo gets me his phone # & then this short angry guy kicks me tf out like even scarier than karasuno’s setter

Bowl Cut: Kageyama is kind of scary

**NINTendou SatorWii** : wow ok more than ‘kind of’ hes a freak

UshiWOWka: Strange for you to call him that of all people.

KawaNiceKill: nice kill

UshiWOWka: Thank you.

**NINTendou SatorWii** : iv been betrayed by my closest friend!!! it hurts. but anyway so he cute & i got his # & wanted to brag

Shirabu: You didn’t get his number, his friend got it for you.

**NINTendou SatorWii** : watever same thing anyway im muting this chat now until i need it again

_The chat We Lost to Karasuno Lmao has been muted._


End file.
